Writer’s Cramp

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A depressed day

Never thought I’d be saying I had this. God knows there’s probably a million things to write about. How my kids drive me crazy. How my fiancée drives me crazy. How I’m tired of being in pain. How my back hurts and my hands hurt.

Trying to keep my website afloat. Write for this blog, post on another. No one told me how hard this would be. Only three followers? Really? Am I that much of a horrible writer or is it my content? Am I not promoting myself enough among the MILLIONS of other blogs out there in cyberspace?

I tried to share a personal story with the world about my son Lakota  and I barely had 200 people read it. I swear I think I’m bipolar because my mind is constantly racing about what to write next, should I have written something different, why can’t I get noticed? Watch out depression, I am slowly crawling back to you.

I can’t do that. I can’t let it steal me away again. I love to write, so I will write. No matter who reads it. Maybe I’ll be like most famous people and only get noticed after I’m dead and gone. Fifty years from now, people will say, “Wow, she was a great writer, too bad she’s gone.” I will turn over in my grave and say, “Finally!” Too late for a party then, I suppose.

Oh well, I guess I just have to keep trying at it. I’ll get an inspiration soon. I’ll write about it and people will be in masses to read it. For now, I guess I’ll just settle on my current following. Because these are the people who will grow with me and I with them. When I become a famous, accomplished writer, I will say” thanks to these people”, I am able to share my success! We will sing and dance and brainstorm together. We will write together and our writings will be studied by our grandchildren’s children. Because the written word is better than the spoken word.

I want to share some articles with you. It’s time to take a break and watch some move clips: Dancing! The best dance scenes I could find in movies. I had to make it a series because there’s so many good ones. Let me know what you think. I really do enjoy (need) your comments. They motivate me and inspire me to….write.

Best Dance Scenes from movies – Pt. 1

Best Dance Scenes from movies – Pt. 2

I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed putting them together.

Thanks for reading and following…God Bless!

 

 

How Depression Robs Your Life

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It was only a few months ago that I was “officially” diagnosed with depressive disorder (and anxiety disorder), something that I think I had for a while. Hearing someone say you have it doesn’t make the curtain close or make doves fly. It’s not the end of the show. If anything, the second act is just starting…

Sure everybody gets depressed, it is a normal part of life. You lose someone you love, you lose your job, you had a fight with a spouse or friend. It happens. What isn’t normal is when depression hangs around. It makes you not want to get out of bed. It makes your head hurt. You get angry for no reason and you’re just…there.

Oh, I’ve heard it all: “snap out of it” , “there’s nothing wrong with you”, “just fight it”. Really? Just fight it? And how do you propose I do that? Show where the button is to turn this crap off and I will gladly push it. Pray it away? And you don’t think I’ve already tried that?

Thanks, depression, for leaving me like a woman who has been violated and doesn’t know who the predator was. Thanks for making me look like a fool in front of everyone who knows me because I don’t “look” sick. Thanks for making me not enjoy life and all the things that come with it. Thanks for leaving me in almost constant pain everyday like I have the flu that won’t go away. Thanks for the headaches, for crying for no reason, the memory loss, the lack of concentration….what was I saying?

You can keep your mood swings and stomach cramps. I don’t want the feelings of loneliness you’re pushing off on me. And the suicide thoughts are so yesterday. Why can’t you just leave me alone? Why can’t you let me sleep at night and smile during the day? You have robbed me. Robbed me of my very life. You came like a thief in the night and returned everyday. Each day stealing a little more of me. But you don’t know me. I am telling people about you. They will be vigilant and watch for you. I have told them your name and what you are about. Teachers and parents; even doctors and nurses are taking note and spreading the word. Together we are fighting you. Eventually, we will be able to catch you before you have gotten away with too much.

I know you will never truly go away, you’re like the slow buzz creeping up on me from a sip of wine or liquor. But know that I will always try to fight you when I can. With support groups and Lexapro and suicide hotlines and continuing to write. I will fight you by helping others and sharing their pain. No longer will they have to feel alone. We will all fight you and someday win.

Until then, you can go straight to hell.